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Marriage Compatibility Early Assessment
Below is a pre-screening questionnaire to evaluate marriage compatibility of two individuals, based on their behavioral preferences. It's a "pre-screening" because it is only an early assessment, but not sufficient for a marriage decision. It helps you evaluate any friend that you think might become "more than a friend," in order to decide if it would be worthwhile to develop a closer friendship that might eventually lead to marriage.
The questionnaire below assumes that you are single, that you already have someone in mind as a "candidate" to consider for a closer relationship, that you already know the person fairly well, and that you have some common interests or hobbies that you enjoy together.
This matching questionnaire will ask two sets of questions. One set is for one's self, and in the second set you will rate someone else (someone who you are interested in). The other person does not need to participate in answering the questions. You will answer for them, based on some clues that you can observe from their behavior. A score will then be presented of your "pre-screening compatibility".
Something to consider: You can set high standards for a potential partner, but in such cases keep in mind that a partner can be expected to set high standards of you. If you can't meet those standards, there is no match; the attractive potential partner will look for someone else instead.This isn't about finding "Mr. Perfect" or "Miss Perfect". The fairytale ideal person doesn't exist. So as part of this exercise you will also rate how important each of the questionnaire criteria are to you.
A. Questions about yourself
| A1. | Encouragement and courtesy Which of the following most accurately describes your typical interaction with others? |
| a) | I love to look for good things that others do, and express my praise or encouragement |
| b) | I am generally courteous and diplomatic but rarely give encouragement |
| c) | I am mostly courteous but occasionally criticize others without always being sure if they were negligent or malevolent |
| d) | I am continually finding fault with other people. It's not hard to find when you look for it. If only they would listen to me, the world would be a better place. |
| A2. | Kindness to other people Which of the following most accurately describes your typical interaction with others? |
| a) | I watch and listen carefully to detect if others are tired or in need of assistance. I find ways to help, or if that is not possible, to console them. |
| b) | I sometimes notice if others are tired or in need of assistance, and in such times I am generally willing to help however I can. |
| c) | I generally like to leave people alone to deal with their lives without interference from me. |
| d) | When people have problems it is generally their own fault and I am always willing to explain to them what is the matter with them, so that they will know. |
| A3. | Responsibility Which of the following best describes how you handle responsibilities to friends, parents, siblings, or others? |
| a) | I always keep my promises except in rare extenuating circumstances, and I go beyond the call of duty to please others. |
| b) | I usually keep my promises when not too inconvenient, and I do what is necessary to satisfy my responsibilities. |
| c) | I sometimes make promises I know I can't keep, and for responsibilities I generally do only what I must do to avoid undesirable legal consequences. |
| d) | At unpredictable times I may fail to keep promises or to meet responsibilities. This is not my fault (I may have drunk too much alcohol, failed to plan, etc.) |
| A4. | Honesty Which of the following describes the extent to which you are open and honest in your communications: |
| a) | Lying is normal, and people ought not to rely on what I say. They need to learn not to be so trusting or gullible. Truth is a gift I give only to my closest friends, when they deserve it. |
| b) | I meet the minimum legal standard. I will not bear false witness in a trial, nor publish defamatory or libelous information. People can rely on me when it matters, but at other times I like to fib. |
| c) | I am generally honest, but I don't mind the occasional "white lie" for things such as surprise parties, fables for children ("easter bunny"), or just to make someone feel better by hiding an unpleasant truth. |
| d) | I will always convey correct information when I am asked for it, but I do not generally volunteer information to people who don't ask for it, nor to people who might use the information for malevolent purposes. I will leave people to believe harmless myths if they really want to. |
| e) | I always insist on always conveying correct information to people when I see that they could benefit from it, whether they want to hear it or not. |
| A5. | Healthy Living To what extent do you take care of your body? |
| a) | I take good care of myself, getting regular exercise and eating healthy food. |
| b) | I take fair care of myself, but I may not always get enough exercise or I may eat too much junk food. I am a bit overweight/underweight for my height and age. |
| c) | I take poor care of myself, letting myself get very overweight/underweight or out of shape to an extent that makes it difficult to do some tasks, or that will likely shorten my lifespan. |
| A6. | Drug Abuse How much care do you take to avoid use of substances that put your physical or mental health at risk? |
| a) | I am careful to never use harmful substances, and I will refuse doing so even if there is social pressure to engage in harmful or risky activities. |
| b) | I occasionally use harmful substances that put my physical or mental health at risk, such as smoking, using vapes, drinking alcohol, or using drugs for non-medical purposes.. |
| c) | I am addicted to harmful substances to such an extent that it interferes with my regular life or causes me to behave in ways that put other people at risk. examples: occasional or frequent intoxicated driving, missing appointments, physically or verbally abusing family members, etc. |
| A7. | Healthy Mind Considering that attitudes and abilities are affected by what a person repeatedly exposes their mind to, which of these best describe the kind of information you like to take in: |
| a) | I like to read books or watch videos/movies that are informational or that are entertaining and uplifting at the same time; movies that "have a moral to the story" or that are inspiring. |
| b) | I may read books or watch videos of the type mentioned above, but mostly I like to watch exciting movies using that contain simulated (not real) violence or romantic/sexual themes that respect the privacy of the performer (not showing nudity, as per standards that I would follow myself). |
| c) | In addition to sometimes reading or watching content as described above, I occasionally spend time watching movies which clearly show adults carrying out sexual acts ("XXX" videos, legal in some nations). |
| d) | In addition to sometimes reading or watching content as described above, I sometimes watch movies or videos in which performers are exploited in ways that are not legal in any nation. examples: images or videos of children being sexually exploited; videos of rape or torture. |
| A8. | Fairness Which of these best describe your behavior? |
| a) | When dealing with other people, I like to get the best bargain I can for myself, without concern for whether it is fair. If my gain is their loss, it's their problem not mine. That's the way the world works. |
| b) | I give preference to people who are most like me, such as those of the same race, same gender, or same religion. For all others, I take advantage of them or exploit them however I can in order to benefit myself, my family, and my own community of like-minded people. |
| c) | I avoid practices that involve arbitrary discrimination, treating all persons fairly according to merit as I understand it. I realize that some people are still disadvantaged because of unfairness in society, but that isn't my problem. I am doing my part by being fair myself. |
| d) | I am careful to treat people fairly, without prejudice, and to help people who are disadvantaged or who need help, by means such as contributing to charity or by offering friendship or assistance to people in need of it. |
| A9. | Tidiness and beauty Is it your habit to dress nicely, and to have a tidy and beautiful home? |
| a) | If the city doesn't fine me for having an unsightly mess in my yard, and if my rooms aren't crawling with bugs, that's good enough. As for my clothes, comfortable is all that matters; I don't have to look at myself. |
| b) | I'll keep things looking fairly decent, but sometimes I leave clothes or papers lying about and it doesn't bother me. I don't care if my clothes or furniture are old or new so long as they are usable. |
| c) | I like everything clean and tidy so that it looks nice if a guest might arrive. If I am going to a party or special event, I'll take extra care to dress up, but not for informal events. |
| d) | To the limit of what I can afford, I want a beautiful home with flowers, pretty draperies and decor, paintings, and new or like-new furniture and appliances. I always dress in nice fashionable clothes when I leave home, even if it's just for shopping or to go for a walk. I take great pride in keeping everything beautiful. |
| A10. | Generosity Which of the following most closely identifies how much time or money you spend on charitable endeavors, or on helping others? |
| a) | I generally don't spend my spare time or money on other people; it's best for each person to take care of himself. |
| b) | If a friend or relative needs help, I can generally find a few hours of time to help them; likewise I like to give them gifts on special occasions. |
| c) | In addition to helping friends or relatives, I like to occasionally volunteer or give donations for organizations that help make the world a better place. |
| d) | I donate a lot of time or money, to the maximum that I can afford, leaving little remaining for me but the essentials of life. |
| A11. | Goal for a Partner Which of these best describe your goal? |
| a) | I don't want any relationship for the foreseeable future. I prefer to stay "solo" or to have platonic friends. |
| b) | I am not intending to get committed to a permanent relationship. I just want a sexual relationship with one or more partners for temporary fun. |
| c) | I am open to a permanent relationship but I prefer to "try out" a potential partner first in a sexual relationship. I am willing to take a risk of heartbreak for me or my partner if it doesn't work out. |
| d) | I seek a partner to marry and to be my soul-mate forever, so that we can each support each other and have a feeling of confidence that my mate will "be there for me" no matter what obstacles we may face. I will defer a sexual relationship until I find the right person and we marry. |
| A12. | Attraction This question is a bit different from the rest. The previous questions collect information about your values, to compare to the other person that you will rate. If you match on all of them, you will probably also be attracted to each other. But no short list of questions can be a comprehensive means to judge compatibility, so it helps to consider how you feel about the other person, based on what you know so far. Thinking of the other person, choose the answer that most accurately describes your impression. |
| a) | I enjoy being with him/her. There are multiple things about him/her that I find appealing, possibly including such things as: engaging personality, good humour, interesting conversationalist, knowledgeable, skilled, fun loving, or good looking. |
| b) | He/she seems OK but nothing special. For a long-term relationship, I think I could do better. |
| c) | I don't enjoy being with him/her. Maybe my friends find him/her to be nice, or think that I should get to know him/her better, so here I am considering it. But there are things about him/her that just seem to bug me or disappoint me. |
| u) | Unknown. I don't know him/her well enough to answer this. |
B. Questions about the Other Person
The questions below are similar to the ones in part A, that apply to yourself. You may not know the other person's answers exactly, but you can fill it in how you think they might answer, based on what you can deduce. To help you with that, some clues to look for are listed with some of the questions.
Also, at the end of each question, you are asked to rate how important it is to have compatibility on that topic. You can easily judge how important it is to you, but you should also consider how important it is to the other person (insofar as you might know). If one of you thinks it is more important than the other, pick the highest of those opinions. If it is a mandatory, "can't accept someone who doesn't match" level of importance, from the pick list choose "essential."
NOTE: Instead of using "he or she" everywhere, this text is simplified to use only "he", but it is meant to apply to males or females.
| B1. | Encouragement and courtesy Which of the following most accurately describes his typical interaction with others? |
| a) | He loves to look for good things that others do, and express his praise or encouragement. |
| b) | He is generally courteous and diplomatic but rarely gives encouragement. |
| c) | He is mostly courteous but occasionally criticizes others without always being sure if they were negligent or malevolent. |
| d) | He is continually finding fault with other people. He may seem self-righteous or arrogant. |
| U) | Unknown. |
| CLUES: If he is interested in you, he could be "putting his best foot forward." But that doesn't necessarily apply to other people. Watch how he treats his parents, siblings, or others he interacts with. | |
| Importance to you: |
| B2. | Kindness to other people Which of the following most accurately describes his typical interaction with others? |
| a) | He seems to be sensitive to others feelings, to detect if they are tired or in need of assistance, and to help or console them. |
| b) | He sometimes but not always notices if others are tired or in need of assistance. If he notices, or if the problem is pointed out to him, he is generally willing to volunteer help or to help as requested. |
| c) | He generally likes to leave people alone to deal with their lives without interference. |
| d) | When people have problems he typically blames them and criticizes them so that they will know better next time. |
| U) | Unknown. |
| CLUES: Once again this requires observation over an extended period of time. | |
| Importance to you: |
| B3. | Responsibility Which of the following best describes how he handles responsibilities to friends, parents, siblings, or others? |
| a) | He always keeps his promises except in rare extenuating circumstances, and he goes beyond the call of duty to please others. |
| b) | He usually keeps his promises when not too inconvenient, and he does what is necessary to satisfy his responsibilities. |
| c) | He sometimes makes promises that he knows he can't keep, and for responsibilities he generally does only what he must do to avoid undesirable legal consequences. |
| d) | At unpredictable times he may fail to keep promises or to meet responsibilities. He apparently does not blame himself; if he drank too much alcohol or failed to plan, those seem like sufficient justificiations to him. |
| U) | Unknown. |
| CLUES: When you have an appointment or date with him, is he on time? If he misses an appointment and states the reason, is it a true and justifiable reason? Does he always do agreed-upon work or buy agreed-upon items (eg: movie tickets...)? Are there times when you expect to meet him, but he doesn't show up, can't be contacted, and offers no explanation later? | |
| Importance to you: |
| B4. | Honesty Which of the following describes the extent to which he is open and honest in his communications? |
| a) | He has no problem with lying. To him, truth is a gift given only to the closest friends, and sometimes not even then. You can't believe anything he says. |
| b) | He meets the minimum legal standard. He has not been convicted of libel or slander, or of falsifying documents. But at other times he may "fib." |
| c) | He is generally honest, but he has used an occasional "white lie" for things such as surprise parties, fables for children ("easter bunny"), or just to make someone feel better by hiding an unpleasant truth. |
| d) | He has always conveyed correct information when asked for it, but he doesn't push information onto people who don't seem to want it, nor to people who might use the information for malevolent purposes. He doesn't object to people having different or wrong beliefs when such beliefs are harmless. |
| e) | He always insists on conveying correct information to people when he believes that they could benefit from it, whether they want to hear it or not. |
| U) | Unknown. |
| CLUES:
Even dishonest people take care not to be caught in a lie. If you catch him
lying, you can bet he does it many more times than that once instance, unless he
can explain to your satisfaction what rare extenuating circumstance justified it. More clues: Has he ever acknowledged when he has made a mistake? Does he ever seem evasive, or refuse to answer a question? | |
| Importance to you: |
| B5. | Healthy Living To what extent does he take care of his body? |
| a) | He takes good care of himself, getting regular exercise and eating healthy food, and keeping fit. |
| b) | He takes fair care of himself, but he may not always get enough exercise or he may eat too much junk food. He is a bit overweight/underweight for his height and age. |
| c) | He takes poor care of himself, letting himself get very overweight/underweight or out of shape to an extent that makes it difficult to do some tasks, or that will likely shorten his lifespan. |
| U) | Unknown. |
| CLUES: Clues to this are pretty obvious, just by what shape he's in. Also watch for: Do you do any physical activity with him? Does he do any physical activity on his own or with friends, that you know of? When you eat together at a restaurant, what does he choose from the menu? | |
| Importance to you: |
| B6. | Drug Abuse How much care does he take to avoid use of substances that put his physical or mental health at risk? |
| a) | He is careful to never use harmful substances, and he will refuse doing so even if there is social pressure to engage in harmful or risky activities. |
| b) | He occasionally uses harmful substances that put his physical or mental health at risk, such as smoking, using vapes, drinking alcohol, or using drugs for non-medical purposes. |
| c) | He is addicted to harmful substances to such an extent that it interferes with his regular life or causes him to behave in ways that put other people at risk. examples: occasional or frequent intoxicated driving, missing appointments, physically or verbally abusing family members, etc. |
| U) | Unknown. |
| CLUES: If you observe him using a harmful substance at any time, the odds are he does it too at other times. Higher levels of use are typically done in private, so it's hard to tell the true level of usage for an acquaintance. "Not at all" is pretty safe, but otherwise it's a gamble to know if it is or will become a big problem. Observed intoxication on any occasion is a significant indicator of answer "c" occuring now or likely to occur in the future. | |
| Importance to you: |
| B7. | Healthy Mind Which of these best describe the kind of information he likes to take in: |
| a) | He likes to read books or watch videos/movies that are informational or that are entertaining and uplifting at the same time; movies that "have a moral to the story" or that are inspiring. |
| b) | He may read books or watch videos of the type mentioned above, but mostly he likes to watch exciting movies using that contain simulated (not real) violence or romantic/sexual themes that respect the privacy of the performer (not showing nudity, as per standards that he would follow himself). |
| c) | In addition to sometimes reading or watching content as described above, he occasionally spends time watching movies which clearly show adults carrying out sexual acts ("XXX" videos, legal in some nations). |
| d) | In addition to sometimes reading or watching content as described above, he sometimes watches movies or videos in which performers are exploited in ways that are not legal in any nation. examples: images or videos of children being sexually exploited; videos of rape or torture. |
| U) | Unknown. |
| CLUES: For categories "a" and "b" you can observe what he likes to watch or that he invites you to watch with him. For categories "b" and "c" the content is typically viewed alone, because it is too embarrassing to people to watch it in public. However, he might invite you to watch with him if he wants to carry out the displayed activities with you. Another clue about his behavior would be his expressed opinion about it. | |
| Importance to you: |
| B8. | Fairness Which of these best describe his behavior? |
| a) | When dealing with other people, he likes to get the best bargain he can for himself, without concern for whether it is fair. If his gain is their loss, he figures it's their problem, not his. |
| b) | He gives preference to people who are most like him, such as those of the same race, same gender, or same religion. For all others, he takes advantage of them or exploits them however he can in order to benefit himself, his family, and his own community of like-minded people. |
| c) | He avoids practices that involve arbitrary discrimination, treating all persons fairly according to merit as he understands it. He may realize that some people are still disadvantaged because of unfairness in society, but that isn't his problem. He figures he is doing his part by being fair himself. |
| d) | He is careful to treat people fairly, without prejudice, and to help people who are disadvantaged or who need help, by means such as contributing to charity or by offering friendship or assistance to people in need of it. |
| U) | Unknown. |
| CLUES: If there are people of other genders or religions in his community, does he treat them respectfully? Does he invite them to parties or events along with others of his own race/gender/belief? Are any of them his friends? If the person is in a position to hire other people, does he do so without discrimination? Does he contribute to charities that help people of other groups? Or, by contrast, does he participate in an organization that overtly discriminates against other races or ethnic groups? | |
| Importance to you: |
| B9. | Tidiness and beauty Is it his habit to dress nicely, and to have a tidy and beautiful home? |
| a) | If the city doesn't fine him for having an unsightly mess in his yard, and if his rooms aren't crawling with bugs, that's good enough for him. As for his clothes, he apparently doesn't care how he looks. |
| b) | He keeps things looking fairly decent, but sometimes he leaves clothes or papers lying about and it doesn't seem to bother him. It isn't a priority to him to have beautiful furniture; if it's functional, that is sufficient to him. |
| c) | He keeps everything clean and tidy so that it looks nice if a guest might arrive. If he goes to a party or special event, he'll take extra care to dress up, but not for informal events. |
| d) | To the limit of what he can afford, he beautifies his home with flowers, pretty draperies and decor, paintings, and new or like-new furniture and appliances. He always dresses in nice fashionable clothes when he goes out, even if it's just for shopping or to go for a walk. He takes great pride in keeping everything beautiful. |
| U) | Unknown. |
| CLUES: How does his house or apartment look when you visit it? How does he look, when you meet informally, or when you go on a date? If he visits a place that is kept meticulously clean, does he take care to leave it that way or does he tend to mess it up? | |
| Importance to you: |
| B10. | Generosity Which of the following most closely identifies how much time or money he spends on charitable endeavors, or on helping others. |
| a) | He generally doesn't spend any of his spare time or money on other people. If you ask him for help you probably won't get it. He figures other people should take care of themselves. |
| b) | If a friend or relative needs help, he can generally find a few hours of time to help them; likewise he gives them gifts on special occasions. |
| c) | In addition to helping friends or relatives, he will occasionally volunteer or give donations for organizations that help make the world a better place. |
| d) | He donates a lot of time or money, to the maximum that he can afford, leaving little remaining for him but the essentials of life. |
| U) | Unknown. |
| CLUES: There are many ways that a person can be helpful, even if he is a student who doesn't have spare money. Look for what he does relative to what he can do now. It is willingness to help that is most important to judge. | |
| Importance to you: |
| B11. | Goal for a Partner Which of these best describe his goal? |
| a) | He doesn't want any relationship for the foreseeable future. Apparently he prefers to stay "solo" or to have platonic friends. |
| b) | He does not intend to get committed to a permanent relationship. He just wants a sexual relationship with one or more partners for temporary fun. |
| c) | He is open to a permanent relationship but he prefers to "try out" a potential partner first in a sexual relationship. He is willing to take a risk of heartbreak for him or his partner if it doesn't work out. |
| d) | He seeks a partner to marry and to be his soul-mate forever, so that he and his partner would each support each other and have a feeling of confidence that his mate would "be there for him" no matter what obstacles they may face. He will defer a sexual relationship until he finds the right person and marries. |
| U) | Unknown. |
| CLUES:
What is his expressed opinion on this matter? Note that some people may express
a different opinion than their actual behavior, so you need to check other clues too.
It's helpful to know his friends and associates to inquire discreetly about what
they know of his goals and habits. Some things to check: Where does he go to meet other people? Does he participate in online dating? Does he show up on sites for people seeking love, or on sites for people seeking sex? Is he divorced, or did have a previous common-law marriage? If so, do you know who he broke up with? Do you know that person or others who had witnessed that relationship? What was the cause of the breakup? Has this sad experience left him unwilling to commit to any new marriage? If you are dating and have agreed to be "going steady" or if you are engaged, does he continue to date other people? Does he do it secretly (which you might discover from a friend who witnesses them together)? | |
| Importance to you: |
| B12. | Attraction How does he feel about you? |
| a) | He apparently enjoys being with me. It seems that there are multiple things about me that he finds to be appealing, possibly including such things as: engaging personality, good humour, interesting conversationalist, knowledgeable, skilled, fun loving, or good looking. |
| b) | He seems ambivalent. He doesn't mind being with me among other friends, but doesn't give me special consideration, and I don't foresee that changing. |
| c) | He seems to dislike being with me. Maybe his friends recommended that he should get to know me, or he's just with me because we work or study together, but he often seems to be annoyed or disappointed with me. |
| U) | Unknown. He doesn't know me much, so it's too soon to judge. |
| CLUES: If you only see each other at a distance, you'll never know, so you need to have some interactions before you can pick a, b, or c. You would likely discover c pretty quickly if it is true. An early friendship might start with ambivalence and move later to "a", so don't choose "b" unless he has known you for a long time but still doesn't invite you to do anything with him personally, even after hints that you would like to go out with him. Does he only invite you only out of courtesy, when he is also inviting your friends or associates? | |
| Importance to you: |
Results
Make sure that you have answered as many of the questions as you can before showing the results.
| Question | Part A | Part B | Importance | Score |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1. Encouragement and Courtesy | ? | ? | ? | ? |
| 2. Kindness to other People | ? | ? | ? | ? |
| 3. Responsibility | ? | ? | ? | ? |
| 4. Honesty | ? | ? | ? | ? |
| 5. Healthy Living | ? | ? | ? | ? |
| 6. Drug Abuse | ? | ? | ? | ? |
| 7. Healthy Mind | ? | ? | ? | ? |
| 8. Fairness | ? | ? | ? | ? |
| 9. Tidiness and Beauty | ? | ? | ? | ? |
| 10. Generosity | ? | ? | ? | ? |
| 11. Goal for a Partner | ? | ? | ? | ? |
| 11. Attraction | ? | ? | ? | ? |
Statistics of scored items:
| Total: | ? |
| Ideal Match: | ? |
| Count of Failed Essentials: | ? |
The score gives a rough evaluation of compatibility. If you couldn't answer many of the questions, or if the total isn't very close to the "ideal match", you need to give a bit more thought to whether you are as compatible as you had assumed. Also, if the "count of failed essentials" is higher than zero, that is a significant warning.
There is no specific threshold to pass for a satisfying relationship. Typically people will seek out the best companion they can find, recognizing that nobody is perfect. You can repeat this test for different people that you might be interested in.
To recalculate the results, first click "Hide Results", then change any answers that you wish to alter, and then click "Show Results".
A further explanation is given below of the scoring method, and of other things to consider before choosing to marry and have children.
Scoring Method
This test is based on the concept of standards of behavior. In this concept, there are more ways of classifying behavior than just "good or evil". There are also varying levels including good, better, and better yet, as well as discretionary options that are a matter of personal choice. The answers in the questionnaire include a mix of these things.
Scoring for each question was calculated as follows:
- If both the part A and part B answers are available:
- If your answer (from part A) and the answer for the other person (from part B) is the same, then a score is awarded that is equal to the importance for that question.
- Else your answer isn't the same as the other person's answer, so a score of 0 is applied for that question.
- Regardless of the above, if either your answer or his answer would make either of you "hard to be with" the score for that question is zero. (Even if you are equally hard to be with, it is not a sustainable relationship. Specific cases are answers 1d, 2d, 3d, 4a, 6c, 8a, 10a, 11a, 11b, 11c, 12b, 12c).
If any of the matches of "essential" importance are scored as zero, then the "count of failed essentials" is incremented.
The "ideal match" score is the result you would get if the full importance level you chose for each question was awarded in every case. This is the maximum score that is achievable for those importance levels.
What's next?
Things to consider...
If you find very little compatibility, perhaps you saw this friend with "rose coloured" glasses, and with a more realistic view you realize you would prefer to look elsewhere to find "Mr Right" or "Miss Right."
If you think the other person is "wonderful" and gave him (or her) favorable answers on all of the questions, but yet the compatibility is low, this could be because you didn't rate yourself so favorably. However, for most of these items you can change yourself, if you have an aspiration to do so. That would bring your scores more in line with "Mr. wonderful" or "Miss wonderful" (as the case may be), so that each of you would seem worthy to the other. This is a matter of overall attraction that goes well beyond physical attraction.
One caution: don't expect that you can change the other person, so that they would have different answers. People develop habits as they grow up that usually don't change afterward. A person must have their own internal aspiration to change if it is to happen. If one person tries to change only to impress another, that is not a real aspiration that will be durable.
Suppose you find someone who meets your essential worthiness criteria, whom you like a lot, and who seems like a better match for you than other single people who you have met. Could this develop into a truly loving and lasting relationship, leading to marriage, and having your own offspring? What are the next steps to take to find out?
There is no short answer to that question, because there is a lot to think about. As a start you would need to have frequent dates with that person and to see them more often with family members or in other circumstances where you can see how they behave. If you are dating each other exclusively, it should be apparent to each other that there is mutual interest. This can also give rise to private conversations where you can find out more about each other's goals, and what kind of life you might each hope for within a marriage.
There are a lot of things to be determined before "tying the knot" such as how many offspring you might wish to have; are both of you capable of having a healthy child (no physical or genetic problem that would be a risk to the offspring); do you have a stable income in order to raise children, how much debt are you willing to incur, and for what things; how will you handle child care (get help from Grandparents, put baby in a day-care, or would one of the couple to do it personally); if you can't have children whether you would wish to adopt; etc.
Also, if you are considering marrying someone who is divorced and who already has children, you would need to determine if you would be happy to have them as step-children, and vice versa.
If there is compatibility, that is the potential for a happy life together, but to make it happen each of you also need the desire, much communication, and careful planning.
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